Oh control? you tricky thing.

by Elizabeth on June 19, 2013

Hello my friends! I hope your Wednesday is going well so far!  I thought I published this this morning but it never posted… Here ya go!

Yesterday I started the day with this workout:

4 Rounds:

5 minute row

20 biceps curls

20 tricep curls

15 pushups

50 med ball sit ups

It took a little over 30 minutes and that was enough!

Lunch rolled around and I was starving so I made a grilled cheese and had some fruit salad and Dove!

Although I haven’t done a deep post in a while and it may seem like I only care about pool dates, baby showers, and chocolate, I really am still a deep person ;-)

Can I just admit to you that lately I have been really struggling with (in addition to several things) recovering from my addiction to control. It’s not easy. I think one of the main things that fueled my eating disorder was the constant need to feel “in control” of my life. So I manipulated food, exercise, and the scale as a way to get a sense of this.

It didn’t work (GASP). The more I did these things, the more out of control I felt. It was actually controlling me which increased my need to feel in control. Paradoxical, really and what a vicious cycle that was to be trapped in.

Although I am still working on using HEALTHY behaviors to exercise control, the fact of the matter is, I can’t control everything. In fact, I have to keep reminding myself of the things I can control? my behavior and my attitude towards things.

God is the one in control. And when I am really grounded in what I believe, what a relief that is! When I try to control things, they usually don’t work out so well ;-) When I think I really want something, God often has something totally different in store for me and it ends up being better than I could have dreamed. Basically, I’m just using this post as a reminder to myself to let it go? and let all knowing and loving God that created me do whatever his will is. I’m on board. Or as Noah would say, “On the ark.”

You know you chuckled.

What are some things you do that you find helpful when you feel out of control???

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Alyssa @ See This Girl Run June 19, 2013 at 11:43 am

In the next couple of months, I’m going to be throwing a big wrench in my life and starting over. I’m quitting my job, moving to a new city and only taking a couple of friends (at the most!) with me. Sometimes I start to panic if I think about it too much because right now I have nothing figured out. I don’t know where I’ll live, what job I’ll be doing..nothing! So I just have to pray to my Heavenly Father and ask for the peace and the guidance to go down the path he knows is best for me. I also like to write in my journal to let out frustrations and put down exactly how I’m feeling. Writing has always been therapeutic for me.
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2 Lauren June 19, 2013 at 11:50 am

If that is your grilled cheese, I am coming over for lunch soon. :p

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3 Alexis June 19, 2013 at 11:56 am

Oh Elizabeth! We are of the same heart! I swear! :) thank you for this post! The Serenity Prayer always helps me!
God, grant me the serenity to:
accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference!
(I sometimes hear the last line said “the wisdom to know that it’s ME!)

I also like to remind myself to do good footwork and leave the results in God’s hands.

Have a great Wednesday!
Alexis

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4 Anissa Angelosante June 19, 2013 at 12:01 pm

Take a deep breath, get up and move around, take the dog for a walk, or whatever. Sometimes when I feel out of control the best medicine is taking a step back and knowing I have a support system around me. I hope things get better for you!
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5 Amanda @ .running with spoons. June 19, 2013 at 12:22 pm

Hehe… I did chuckle :) Control was a big struggle for me as well, and I’m pretty sure that a big contributor to my ED was the fact that I had a wrench thrown into my plans and felt completely out of control. Recovery has taught me a lot about letting go, though. I think a big part of our issues with control is a fear of the unknown, so I just always try to remind myself that no matter what happens, I’ll be able to deal with it. No matter how things turn out, it’s never the end of the world.
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6 Ashley @ My Food N Fitness Diaries June 19, 2013 at 12:27 pm

Oh goodness, I feel you on this! I’m definitely a little bit of a control freak, and God has been continually teaching me that I can’t always be in control. I’ve gotten better, but it’s still a work in progress. xoxo
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7 Amy @ Long Drive Journey June 19, 2013 at 12:29 pm

I saw a comment that you posted on Hungry Runner Girl and I clicked over to your blog. I haven’t gone through and stalked all of your posts yet (my favorite thing to do when I’ve found a new blog), but I read this post and it spoke to me enough that I had to comment. I felt so out of control in my life a few months ago that I started running, among other things. Used to be that when I felt out of control, I freaked out and I held on to everything in my life more tightly. Now, when I feel out of control, I realize that it’s because I am, and I try to do things that make me happy and realize that really, I don’t control anything, but it doesn’t mean that things can’t be good. Can’t wait to read more of your blog!
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8 Caitlin June 19, 2013 at 1:03 pm

You’re so right, God is in control. While I’ve never had a technical ed, I definitely have some major disordered eating tendencies- all a result of needing to be in control of something, anything. I got married at the beginning of May and planned for 17 months for this beautiful outdoor garden wedding and not only did it rain 100% of the day (we’re not talking a sprinkle, either!), but the power went out in the hotel we were in, the ceremony was a mess, and our transportation leaving that evening never showed. SO much went “wrong”- but in fact, it was perfect and it made me step back and realize that no, I can’t control every single thing and yet it all works out!! You’re not alone!

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9 Ashley @ OurPersonalRecords June 19, 2013 at 1:32 pm

I am a total control freak. For me it usually manifests itself in cleaning/organizing. When I’m feeling like I can’t control things I like to take a step back a like you remind myself that while I would LOVE to control a situation, the only thing I can control is my reaction/the way I feel in any given situation. There’s a book by Dr. Wayne Dyer called, “There’s a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem.” It’s a good read and helped me to put things into perspective during some difficult transitions. Sending you positive energy!
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10 Alaina June 19, 2013 at 2:02 pm

When i feel like I’m losing it i try to force myself to go for a garmin free run or bike ride. However, maintaining control is exhausting, so I sometimes have a hard time getting out the door.

The one thing that I know does NOT work for me is yoga and I am sooooo over people telling me how much yoga will relax me! I’m glad it works for some, but it doesn’t work for me =)
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11 Danica @ It's Progression June 19, 2013 at 2:13 pm

Yep, I did chuckle : )
I find myself struggling with this same theme of “being in control” often, too. But just like you said, when I turn to the Lord, focus on prayer every single day, and remind myself that HE has a plan for me, HE is the one who’s always really in control, and HE’s already given me so many blessings I just can’t take for granted – all of that helps me with that anxiety I get from trying to be in control of my life.
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12 Suzanne @ Mixing It Up June 19, 2013 at 3:27 pm

Prozac. Kind of kidding but kind of not. I suffer from anxiety and a mild form of OCD(that would be the control issue!!!) and honestly, that has helped me so much. I don’t have to take it all the time(thank goodness) but it has been a lifesaver when needed. I know my husband and family thank me for it. However, I am still far from perfect and I still struggle with not having everything within my control. Some days I handle it better than others but I try to remind myself on a regular basis that mot of the things I am worrying about are not life changing in the big scheme of things. Life will still go on if things don’t go my way and it WILL be okay!!
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13 Debbie @ Deb Runs... June 19, 2013 at 3:30 pm

Same here… I’m kind of a control freak, but I’ve discovered that I am starting to mellow as I get older! Ah yes, a positive!
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14 Liz @ The Girl on Fire Now June 19, 2013 at 5:19 pm

I just try to pray and then go do something like knitting, reading, or blogging. Or I exercise, but not in a disordered way just like “oh, I haven’t done anything yet, I’ll just do a few crunches” or whatever
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15 Hali June 19, 2013 at 9:29 pm

I struggle with an addiction to control too. The way I manage it is a combo of weekly therapy, exercising, writing, and yoga. Sometimes just sitting on my yoga mat and breathing is a way to calm the anxious/control freak/perfectionist in me. It is a work in progress… ;-) Thanks for your insightful, funny, and open post!
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16 Sarah @ A Refining Adventure June 20, 2013 at 6:02 am

I definitely relate to you on this. Like you, I have to make myself focus on the fact that I am NOT in control, God is. He has planned out my every step. So, it’s not my job to worry or control my steps, it’s His. I just need to stay close to Him and follow where he leads. But, as we both know, MUCH easier said than done. I read something recently that said “God doesn’t want perfection, but rather, He wants growth.” So I think as long as we’re learning and growing in our walk with Him, that’s all we can ask.

When you figure out how to turn off the “Control” switch in our brains, let me know. ;-)
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17 [email protected] June 20, 2013 at 9:26 am

Sometimes when I am really struggling, I actually go back and read some of your past posts that touched me. I’m not sure that will help you, but hopefully it’s an encouragement to know you are helping other people by sharing and being so honest! Thank you for that!
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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18 Corrine June 20, 2013 at 2:25 pm

I LOVE this post! I also have major control issues- which leads to anxiety issues. I find running usually helps. It’s the only thing that can somewhat logically calm me down, and makes me realize that I CAN control some things, even if I can’t control everything. Unfortunately, the control issues still spill over into food issues every once in awhile.. So glad I found your blog!

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19 Sarah @ A Refining Adventure June 24, 2013 at 6:52 am

Did you read my mind? I’m right there with you, girl (especially in regards to controlling food and exercise). And like you, when I take a step back and take a deep breathe, I realize that when I’m in control things don’t go so well. And it’s a relief to know that HE is in control, and HE works all things for good. I don’t have to worry. But, Ha! Worry is my middle name..so, I’m still working on that. ;-)
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